You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
