let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
