I want to make a zoo with you.
Screwed.edu
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
We need to get me chipped asap
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
