You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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