I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
