it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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