WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I would ride that face into the sunset
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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