If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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