Apparently you make a good broom.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
