Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
