goodnight i made you a song goodbye
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
