okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
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