I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize
