Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
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he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
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