ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
barbara walters just said penis...
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
