Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
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