Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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