Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
