You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
