You're my little dorito
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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