I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
