I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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