im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
