Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize