i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Randomize
