I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
