I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
