the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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