i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize
