its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
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