so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Randomize
