her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
