peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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