he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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