You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
