Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Randomize
