She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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