my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
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& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
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iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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