I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
