I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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