Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
