Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
