she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
