Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
