No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
