You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
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