bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
