watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
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