if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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