Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
