No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
