"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
