i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
