I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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