i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
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