Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
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