Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
our cab driver is having phone sex.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
