she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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