I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
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