Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Randomize
