anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
