I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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