bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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